Forgiven

One of the hardest things for me upon sobering up was seeing what I had done to the people who loved me. During my active drinking days, I got to be drunk and unaware of how badley my actions were hurting not just me, but everyone around me. I had lied until I was a professional at it, stolen things to pay for my habit, and ruined countless family gatherings. I can’t imagine how many nights they lay awake worrying, wondering when that phone call would come reporting the inevidable. I was in jail, hurt, in detox again, or dead. I imagine they pictured my funeral several times.

I remember one day, during my last stint in rehab, talking to my mom on the phone. My mom had really been the only one who had continued a regular communication with me. I kept letting her down, but she never lost all her hope in me. But this time she was on the brink. I had wrecked Christmas, and lied to her again to cover up my binge. She told me she couldn’t do it anymore, she needed to not talk to me for awhile. I had hurt her too many times and she was on the brink of a nervous breakdown. I slammed down the phone in anger. How dare she? All I was going through, and she was going to not talk to me? ME! ME! ME!…

That day was one of the worst days of my life.

I had all kinds of plans for that Sunday when I would see my Mom at church. I would not sit with her. I would sit where she could see me though, and show her I could do this alone. I would be fine. I didn’t need my family anymore then they needed me.

My mouth dropped and my eyes filled with tears. Me? Forgive her? After everything I had done to hurt her and our family, she was asking me for forgiveness?  I asked if she could ever forgive me. She said she already had. We hugged and sat there crying together.

I’m not sure my mother is aware of how her gift of forgiveness that day affected my life. I know that her relationship with Jesus Christ was the motivating factor for her forgiveness, and that day she showed me grace. I didn’t deserve her forgiveness, not really. She had every reason to write me off as her daughter. I had done enough things to her to warrent her cutting me out of her life. But because she knew Christ and his forgivness, she was able to forgive me. She showed me the light of Jesus and it started to break into my dark world.

I would like to close with a note my mom wrote to me a few days ago. I found it in this silly mother-daughter book she had been filling out for me. I think it is a beautiful example of how far Jesus has taken our relationship since the dark days. It was the gift of forgiveness that is exemplified by Christ’s work on the cross that made any of this possible. Who do you need to give the gift of forgiveness too?

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